Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 Resolutions ~ Taking the Time to Take the Step

new year resolutions quotes

  I'm so excited about the new year! For some reason I'm just more optimistic than I was last year. Resolutions are a thing with most people--I will refrain. As it is, I have several hopes for this year, and consequently will endeavor to put adequate discipline towards them. My boyfriend and I are either going to get a different place (the temptation is great, considering the horrible flooding that happened two weeks ago) or stay here and save money. But any number of things might happen. Whether or not I go to film school or try to make it on my own merit will effect it. I've tried to find places to volunteer locally but have hit a brick wall. Ah well, I can keep trying. Take hope from the trails other have blazed, and find a way to make my own. In the end, school is still an option.

  While I'm very optimistic now, the last couple weeks were a roller coaster. My apartment flooded, things were ruined (so many books), my best friend, who was also my boss, lost her job. Then I found out that Carrie Fisher had died. And then her mother, Debbie Reynolds,the  next day. Man, was I just depressed. The sort where you just lay in bed and wait for the next day to come. Princess Leia, who was played by Fisher, was my first female hero. I rarely liked women characters in cinema as a kid, most of them were just pretty pretty girls that didn't really do anything. Not Princess Leia. She knew how to kick butt and lead people. I was crushed when I found out. What a year it has been for losing actors that were amazing performers, and from what I heard, stood for good things. Christopher Lee, Alan Rickman, Carrie Fisher. Jeez. What a year. I may not agree with all the things they stood for, (one rarely does!) but generally I esteemed them very much.

  Back to this coming year, I'm endeavoring to get a new laptop--my old one broke over a year ago, and I'd like to be able to relax while writing. As it is, I have to be at my desk, and being as tired as I generally am, it'd be nice to be able to relax in bed and write at the same time. As it is, something I've been fretting about lately is the time I don't have to write. And for a couple days before my apartment flooded (I'm still recovering, although I'm at the tail end of it), I  made myself sit down for half an hour to just write. At least to sit there, and let ideas come, if they will. And I got some done. Enough to satisfy me--and it was only half an hour. Which made me think, right after I finished my half hour session (and then my article for Femnista that was due that day, which took 40 minutes to finish) I lay back down on my bed to rest (I've been incredibly tired and sore from my job--when you wake up and you feel the soreness just from holding your toothbrush, that says something) and thought about what time I actually had left before I had to go to work. I had a decent amount of time. And I got a half an hour writing in already, plus an article finished. It was just a matter of sitting my butt down and doing it. With no tv on. I love hearing stuff on, because it makes me feel like something is happening, but there are the times when you need the quiet. And it has made me realize just how much I watch tv. No surprise there, I'm a happy film buff who loves discovering new shows, new movies, experiencing the newest in cinematography and storytelling. But perhaps I do it too much. It distracts me in the end, when I should be sitting my butt down for at least 30 minutes and getting some writing done, like I'm always fretting about. I always tell myself to take my time seriously, to manage it better, to make sure the chores are done, so "I'll have time to write". I hate my place being dirty. Interferes with my muse, with my comfort zone. But I think I'm hung up on this perfect scenario for writing. Clean house, no pressing matters (or little of them) some coffee or something sweet, plenty of free time to just write to my hearts galore.

  Well...that doesn't seem to realistic. But today's 30 minutes was. It was sufficient. Imagine spending 30 minutes every day. It'd be slow progress, but it'd be getting it done. It'd be enough to prove to myself that hey, I actually do have a bit of time. I just have to take it. Those dishes can wait for another 30 minutes. The cat hair on the floor isn't going anywhere. I'll get it when I vacuum. Perhaps I need to learn to embrace the quiet more often. People always talk about quiet time. (Sure, that brings back horrible memories of boredom as a kid). I always took it as "me time", such as watching tv the moment I got home and got food, so I could sit down and relax. I think I do a bit too much of it--and I suspect it's the crutch that keeping me from other things. I think "I don't have time enough, I'm too tired", in an endless cycle, so what do I do? I rest and watch tv. More than actually taking 30 minutes to get something important to me done. Because I'm hung up on this "perfect scenario". Well I think enough is enough. Need to stop putting my butt to bed so much and put it in the writing chair--even if it's just for 30 minutes. It'll get the job done. A paragraph at a time at least. And that concept goes for many things. This attitude will get me there--just taking it a step at a time--but also taking the time to take a step.

   ~ Nikki

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1 comment:

  1. Sometimes it feels like it doesn't rain it pours and you have no umbrella or rain coat but you dry off and out and things improve maybe not straight way but in time.


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