Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The Honest Truth About Achievement: What It Is I Love (And It Isn't Blogging)

  Some of the best posts I've read and loved are ones that show me what the person--the blogger--behind the post believes in, and wants to accomplish with their life. I get to see what they're like, just in reading between the lines of their dreams and loves. So I decided it was high time I did something similar.

  I often ask myself why I started blogging, or started writing; why I decided to become a filmmaker. and I guess the answer is rather simple--I'm absolutely in love with stories. I think stories, whether true or born of imagination, are the bedrock of things that are important. They remind us of things that matter.

I had planned on starting this post awhile back with an update about my moving to my own apartment, although I didn't really feel like it. I realized it's just that I don't think it's that important. Sure it's a big milestone, but it's not what I care about sharing most. But--my move serving as a step forward certainly ties into what I do care about. Ties into my goals. This is one step. I don't know where I'm going--nothing absolutely for certain. I know what I want. I know of steps that might get me there. I have the guts to fight to achieve them. That's what I care about. The achievement.

  Here's one truth. I don't love blogging. I like sharing when I have an idea. Blogging to fill time--I'm still bored as heck. But when I have something to say, I love having a medium to share it on, in a personal way. I don't like it for its own sake; I love writing for its own sake however. My great passion.

  Another truth: I hate not being in control. For the most part. Part of my frustration with achievement--and I'm sure, that's what makes achievement truly incredible--is that we rarely control a great portion of it. In the end, it still comes down to two things--hard work and chance. But I hate not having the ability to just make a plan, know that it's going to go exactly according to its course, and get me to where I want to go in life. So much still balances on what ifs. There's fun, and a sense of daring in that--I do enjoy that part because I love the spontaneity of life--but to not feel more in control of where you're going? I does drive me nuts. I like a plan. I like knowing I can count on things, and that I'll be able to use them to my purposes.

  But, in the end, that's part of the adventure--regardless of the stress, and the worry. Life itself is bumpy sea voyage, and we all get soaked. (While hoping to not get thrown overboard). Currently I'm stressing just a bit about how ridiculously long it'll take to save for film school. I'm even considering doing the finance plan that the school offers--but I hate the idea of going into debt, paying a lot more in the end. I'm desperate to get started though. Time doesn't last forever in life, and in waiting sometimes it just ends up getting away from you. And I want to get a motorcycle, because I'm tired of bicycling everywhere and being tired on top of working. But it all comes down to money--and that's something that is hard to come by on a part time job.

  Yet in the end it's a mark of a determined, stubborn-ass person that this doesn't exactly get me down so much as it makes me that much more driven. Just got to keep my chin up--understand that I don't and won't understand how it'll all turn out. Just understand that somehow it will, as long as I'm remain fighting for the long journey.


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