Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Making Room for Life's Chances

taking chances quotes



  One of the things about planning for the future is not knowing exactly what is going to happen. Any number of things can be up in the air. As a diehard planner, to me this is beyond annoying, to say nothing of the stress it can bring. I like knowing a plan, knowing that it will not deviate too much. But life always throws you a curveball, and plans change a lot along the way. At least in my experience.

  So much has just changed in the last couple years. Some goals I have already reached. A full time job. A car. I don't have to worry about making rent on a part time paycheck, or biking in the heat or cold anymore. But the really big things still remain--school, wanting to get married. Wondering how to fit them all in. Wondering how much time will be taken away from being with my boyfriend. Wondering if it's really what I want after all. I mean, I want us together all the time. I don't like the idea of being on a job that could take me away for months at a time. I don't like it. I want to be able to do stuff together, to work together. We've talked about ways to make both jobs work, but still, nothing ever just falls in your lap. There are so many variables, and most of them you don't even see coming. And even if I do end up with a job in film making, there's the matter of the schooling--or the intership. Whatever happens. Honestly, regarding that I'm still at square one, trying to find a place either to volunteer, or--last resort--still go to school and probably get in debt to do it. I'm waiting to hear back from another production company that a friend of mine has worked for. There's  no telling when or if they will respond. So I wonder all the time--should I send a message once a month? Just to keep their attention? Is this really what I want to do, when I will be separated from my boyfriend for who knows how long? And what about our plans for the future? Nothing is set in stone, but we do have goals, and this could really interfere. I worry all the time about this.

  Even though I tell myself to stick to my motto: "Never worry about something that resolve alone can accomplish." Way easier said than done. Especially for me, the "let's get a battle plan and go to war!" person. Ready to get things on the road, get it done. I love accomplishing goals. Everybody does, but as someone who has a tendency to measure the value of her day by how much she has gotten done, it especially applies.

  Just the other day I sat myself down and told myself to figure exactly what I meant about my blog title. What does "Out My Front Door" mean? I thought about it, and for once in my life, the answers actually came easily. It stands for Motivation. Discovering new things--about yourself, about the world. Building yourself up and making a place for yourself in the world. It means following your dreams--figuring out what they are and then being brave enough to embark on that mysterious journey.

  And what a mysterious journey it is. And despite my own annoyance with it, it's ok to be afraid. Wondering how it will all come together. People always tell us to keep faith, to pray, and I do--but that doesn't take away the fear that our own humanness will make a mistake. That we will take a wrong turn. That we will miss the ones we love, that it will come with a cost. I guess we can just accept that our bravery is in the acceptance that we might fail, and have get up again. Find a new road, and take on its own mysteries.

  Because I don't have the answers. I don't know what's going to happen months from now. What if an opportunity knocks, and it means that other plans will have to wait? Will I be willing to put them aside? Rush them forward? I don't know. I just don't. We are all walking on a road half clouded with fog, with bursts of light. We just have to keep just enough faith to keep walking, however slow the journey.


 ~Nikki


If you enjoyed this post please comment, and share on social media! To catch more posts, you can subscribe via email, on my sidebar. You can also follow on facebook, twitter, and google+!



No comments:

Post a Comment

No profanity or inappropriate comments on my blog--please keep your words considerate of others while speaking your mind!